It’s easy to let yourself wallow in self pity
when you’re single, just as easy as it is to
hate every thing and everyone else
because they’re happy. Well, here’s news
for you, you can be happy too! Now,
before you get carried away, this isn’t a
motivational speech, neither is it a means
of consolation, it’s the honest-to-God
truth.
Being happy when you’re alone is the first
step to finding happiness in other people;
not seeking happiness because you’re a
sad, lonely being, more like seeking to
add to the inner peace and joy you
already have with yourself. I sincerely
hope this makes sense to you. I was going
through Thought Catalog and discovered
these 5 tips that should help you out of
that self pity/self loathing/ everybody-
else-loathing ‘singledom’.
1. Don’t Be That Person Who Talks Shit About
Everyone in Relationships.
It’s not cute and everyone hates you just
as much as everyone hates the people
who only talk about how great their
relationships are or how awful being
single was. Happy, comfortable people
don’t legitimately (joking aside here) bitch
about happy, comfortable people. And
trust me, you can be just as annoying and
as obnoxious as the ‘happy couple’ in
your own, special way – you beautiful
little snowflake.
2. Don’t Equate Your Self Worth With Your
Relationship Status.
Alternatively, don’t let people guilt you
about being perfectly happy all by your
lonesome. Insecure people need to make
other people feel insecure, thus, if you are
completely happy on your own and they
can’t imagine being that happy without
someone pushing them along… it’s the
product of their insecurities, not some
failing of yours. Embrace the shit out your
single life and enjoy it for as long as you
like. It’s a ticket that doesn’t expire, my
friend and there’s no real rush to cash it
in.
3. Learn to Be Comfortable and actually
Enjoy Doing Things on Your Own.
There is something totally freeing about
shamelessly going to your favorite
restaurant, enjoying your favorite meal,
and then treating yourself to the movies.
Embrace the utter awesomeness of
enjoying typical ‘couple’ activities on your
own and realize that you don’t need
another human attached to you in order
to appreciate things. You also don’t have
to debate over weird first date food
ordering pressure, wonder if you’re
eating like the secret food monster you
are, or be concerned that the other party
will hate the movie you’ve selected. Plus
you can ugly cry through The Fault in Our
Stars without someone there judging your
snot and mascara smeared face. Is it
obvious that my fiancé refused to see this
movie with me yet? IS IT?!
4. Stay Active, Stay Busy, or Just Perfect the
Art of Doing Nothing Happily.
There was this overwhelming judgy
feeling that if I, as a single person, wasn’t
actively doing a thousand things a day I
must be lonely and depressed. There was
this weird pressure that I had to be
constantly active which, to be honest, I
really was most of the time –boredom is
my ultimate enemy. I remember this one
time where I didn’t feel like going out for
some sort of dancy girl’s night thing (I
can’t dance and I really kind of seriously
hate clubs) and my three friends acted
like I needed some sort of intervention for
fear I would start collecting cats. To be
fair when I’d had cancer I totally did buy
a cat out of sheer ‘holy shit I’m dying’
loneliness, but me and this cat did not get
along. Asshole kept jumping on my face
in the middle of the night and leaping out
at me from the windowsills. Anyway.
But I really didn’t want to do things just
for the sake of just doing a bunch of shit;
I wanted to do things because they made
me happy. And I found out that doing
nothing sometimes made me super happy
and I learned to be really comfortable
doing it unapologetically.
5. Understand That You Can Choose To Not
Be Alone and It Doesn’t Lessen You.
You aren’t weaker or less independent
merely by falling in love and committing
to something and someone. In fact, I’m of
the belief that by truly committing to
something worthwhile and uplifting, you
are strengthening yourself and growing.
We learn many lessons from being alone
and we learn just as much from being
part of something.
Although you might have to stop drinking
out of the milk carton, start putting the
toothpaste cap back on, and stop leaving
your clothes behind the bathroom door,
so far I’ve found such sacrifices to be
worth it.
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