Sometimes, you really are just the architect of your own
problems. How? I hear you ask.
Here are a couple of pointers:
1. You acknowledge what the problem is, but you do nothing more
than that.
In layman’s terms? You complain. (We all do it, and it’s usually a
crucial piece in realizing what you’re dissatisfied with in your
life, and what you’d like to change.) But as so many programs
tell us, acknowledging the issue is only the first step. Talking
about it ad nauseam isn’t going to fix it. Venting over brunch or
drinks isn’t going to fix it. You know what fixes it? Doing
something about it.
2. You think that because one route worked favorably for someone
else, it will work for you, too.
Lightning never strikes the same place twice, so to replicate
what someone else is doing exactly is a recipe for disaster.
They’re not you, and you’re not them — so for someone different
to do the same thing is still changing a few variables. Do what
you feel will work, not because you’ve seen it work that way
before, but because in your gut, you know this path is right for
you.
3. You’re waiting for permission.
Rarely, if ever, are people going to hand you your dreams and
say, here you go, run with it . Sure, there are times when you
should (and maybe even need to) ask for the “okay” for certain
pieces of your plan, but only seeing the obstacles and not the
possibilities around them is just another way to stall. So a few
people tell you “no” for the entry-level job to get you on track
for your dream career. Think outside the box. What can you do
that you don’t need another person’s approval for? Start from
there.
4. You’re trying to figure out how to make other people do the work
for you.
Instead of networking yourself, you ask if anyone else has any
leads or knows anyone who might be able to help you. You
scheme up grand plans wherein you get other people to do things
in some great Ponzi triangle so that you can reap the most
rewards possible. I know it seems appealing and clever to do the
least work for the most reward, but really, if you’re going after
what you really want, the dirty work is often where things are
the most fun. You’ll feel much more accomplished and capable if
you just buckle down and get started.
5. You’re not reassessing the situation as you go.
Circumstances, life, goals, dreams, ideas, and yes, even you will
change as time goes on, and you could find that maybe, what you
thought you wanted isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be. Maybe
your idea of what you wanted is very different from the reality
of what that thing is, and that doesn’t sit right with you. Maybe
there’s all the warning signs that this isn’t a good fit and you’ll
be unhappy, but you’re ignoring them and telling your gut that
you’re wrong. Maybe you’ve dreamed up different goals along
the way, and you want to chase those, too. These are all perfectly
normal — and even good! — things to happen. It means you’re
evolving as a person. Checking in with yourself and seeing if this
is still what you want is a key component in keeping motivated.
6. You don’t know if you deserve it.
Either your self-esteem could use a little boost, or you’re talking
yourself out of just going whole hog at every turn, or you think
that things this good don’t happen to “people like you.” This self-
doubt can creep into anything and everything you do if you’re
not careful, and you might end up self-sabotaging because hey,
at least it’s safer if you never actually get everything you ever
wanted, right? If your life continues exactly as it is, you don’t
have to adjust to all the wonderful newness in your world, and
don’t ever have to worry about what might happen if all the
good things you worked for were to suddenly go away. (But is
this really a way to live? No, my friend. No, it is not.)
7. Conversely, you
feel entitled to
whatever it is
you’re going after.
A phrase I picked
up somewhere
when I was young
and try to live by
is that “ the luckiest
people are the ones
who work the
hardest.” There is a
very fine line
between feeling like you deserve good things, and feeling like
you’re entitled to them. The differentiating factor at play is the
willingness to do the work. (To talk nerdy to you, Viserys
Targaryen felt entitled to the Iron Throne, whereas Daenerys
realized she would only deserve it if she put in the work to be a
good ruler. See which one has survived longer than the other?
Exactly.) A lot of people want the exact same thing, and feeling
bitter and disenfranchised because you believe that it’s your
right to have what you want is going to create a massive stink, a
poor attitude, and no one will want to help you along the way.
8. You spend all your time telling people they should back you,
instead of provingit to them.
And you wind up wasting a lot of people’s time, most of all your
own. Don’t dwell on why people “won’t give you a chance” —
they probably give you chances all the time, you just don’t
realize it and follow through. Don’t just tell them that you want
it, and why you want it, and why they should believe in you.
People won’t be convinced until you put in the work and prove
to them why they should put their faith in you. You can have as
many innovative ideas as you want, but if you don’t have the
dedication to making those ideas a reality, people are going to
grow tired of your “all talk” antics and find someone else who is
willing to put in the actual blood-sweat-and-tears work.
9. You refuse to admit to your own mistakes.
Blaming other people is easy, and it’s safe, and people have been
doing it as long as there have ever been mistakes in this world.
But other people are who they are, and pointing fingers is a
wasted effort because you simply cannot control anyone outside
of yourself. It’s hard to admit that maybe your approach was off-
base, or that you were wrong — and it is so, so very easy to think
that there’s a secret conspiracy against you. Sometimes,
however, we really do have to look at our choices and assess if
there was anything we could have done differently or better.
After all, the point of making mistakes is so that we can learn
from them. You don’t have to take the fall for absolutely
everyone else, but being able to admit to your own shortcomings
gives you a chance to work on them, improve if you want to, and
make your next attempt that much smarter.
10. You believe the road has to be hard.
It really doesn’t have to be, and making it that way just to give
yourself an extra-juicy underdog story is going to be a lot of
wasted effort. Don’t spend all your energy on the first few days
or weeks of a plan if this is something you’re in for the long haul
(or, at the very least, don’t do that without taking breaks). You’ll
burn out, lose interest, grow frustrated that you’re not getting
results faster, and drop the endeavor — only to derail progress
you probably didn’t see. Don’t make things harder for yourself
than they have to be, either. Swallow your pride and ask for help
when you need it. You should be doing the bulk of the work
yourself, but you absolutely do not have to go it alone.
problems. How? I hear you ask.
Here are a couple of pointers:
1. You acknowledge what the problem is, but you do nothing more
than that.
In layman’s terms? You complain. (We all do it, and it’s usually a
crucial piece in realizing what you’re dissatisfied with in your
life, and what you’d like to change.) But as so many programs
tell us, acknowledging the issue is only the first step. Talking
about it ad nauseam isn’t going to fix it. Venting over brunch or
drinks isn’t going to fix it. You know what fixes it? Doing
something about it.
2. You think that because one route worked favorably for someone
else, it will work for you, too.
Lightning never strikes the same place twice, so to replicate
what someone else is doing exactly is a recipe for disaster.
They’re not you, and you’re not them — so for someone different
to do the same thing is still changing a few variables. Do what
you feel will work, not because you’ve seen it work that way
before, but because in your gut, you know this path is right for
you.
3. You’re waiting for permission.
Rarely, if ever, are people going to hand you your dreams and
say, here you go, run with it . Sure, there are times when you
should (and maybe even need to) ask for the “okay” for certain
pieces of your plan, but only seeing the obstacles and not the
possibilities around them is just another way to stall. So a few
people tell you “no” for the entry-level job to get you on track
for your dream career. Think outside the box. What can you do
that you don’t need another person’s approval for? Start from
there.
4. You’re trying to figure out how to make other people do the work
for you.
Instead of networking yourself, you ask if anyone else has any
leads or knows anyone who might be able to help you. You
scheme up grand plans wherein you get other people to do things
in some great Ponzi triangle so that you can reap the most
rewards possible. I know it seems appealing and clever to do the
least work for the most reward, but really, if you’re going after
what you really want, the dirty work is often where things are
the most fun. You’ll feel much more accomplished and capable if
you just buckle down and get started.
5. You’re not reassessing the situation as you go.
Circumstances, life, goals, dreams, ideas, and yes, even you will
change as time goes on, and you could find that maybe, what you
thought you wanted isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be. Maybe
your idea of what you wanted is very different from the reality
of what that thing is, and that doesn’t sit right with you. Maybe
there’s all the warning signs that this isn’t a good fit and you’ll
be unhappy, but you’re ignoring them and telling your gut that
you’re wrong. Maybe you’ve dreamed up different goals along
the way, and you want to chase those, too. These are all perfectly
normal — and even good! — things to happen. It means you’re
evolving as a person. Checking in with yourself and seeing if this
is still what you want is a key component in keeping motivated.
6. You don’t know if you deserve it.
Either your self-esteem could use a little boost, or you’re talking
yourself out of just going whole hog at every turn, or you think
that things this good don’t happen to “people like you.” This self-
doubt can creep into anything and everything you do if you’re
not careful, and you might end up self-sabotaging because hey,
at least it’s safer if you never actually get everything you ever
wanted, right? If your life continues exactly as it is, you don’t
have to adjust to all the wonderful newness in your world, and
don’t ever have to worry about what might happen if all the
good things you worked for were to suddenly go away. (But is
this really a way to live? No, my friend. No, it is not.)
7. Conversely, you
feel entitled to
whatever it is
you’re going after.
A phrase I picked
up somewhere
when I was young
and try to live by
is that “ the luckiest
people are the ones
who work the
hardest.” There is a
very fine line
between feeling like you deserve good things, and feeling like
you’re entitled to them. The differentiating factor at play is the
willingness to do the work. (To talk nerdy to you, Viserys
Targaryen felt entitled to the Iron Throne, whereas Daenerys
realized she would only deserve it if she put in the work to be a
good ruler. See which one has survived longer than the other?
Exactly.) A lot of people want the exact same thing, and feeling
bitter and disenfranchised because you believe that it’s your
right to have what you want is going to create a massive stink, a
poor attitude, and no one will want to help you along the way.
8. You spend all your time telling people they should back you,
instead of provingit to them.
And you wind up wasting a lot of people’s time, most of all your
own. Don’t dwell on why people “won’t give you a chance” —
they probably give you chances all the time, you just don’t
realize it and follow through. Don’t just tell them that you want
it, and why you want it, and why they should believe in you.
People won’t be convinced until you put in the work and prove
to them why they should put their faith in you. You can have as
many innovative ideas as you want, but if you don’t have the
dedication to making those ideas a reality, people are going to
grow tired of your “all talk” antics and find someone else who is
willing to put in the actual blood-sweat-and-tears work.
9. You refuse to admit to your own mistakes.
Blaming other people is easy, and it’s safe, and people have been
doing it as long as there have ever been mistakes in this world.
But other people are who they are, and pointing fingers is a
wasted effort because you simply cannot control anyone outside
of yourself. It’s hard to admit that maybe your approach was off-
base, or that you were wrong — and it is so, so very easy to think
that there’s a secret conspiracy against you. Sometimes,
however, we really do have to look at our choices and assess if
there was anything we could have done differently or better.
After all, the point of making mistakes is so that we can learn
from them. You don’t have to take the fall for absolutely
everyone else, but being able to admit to your own shortcomings
gives you a chance to work on them, improve if you want to, and
make your next attempt that much smarter.
10. You believe the road has to be hard.
It really doesn’t have to be, and making it that way just to give
yourself an extra-juicy underdog story is going to be a lot of
wasted effort. Don’t spend all your energy on the first few days
or weeks of a plan if this is something you’re in for the long haul
(or, at the very least, don’t do that without taking breaks). You’ll
burn out, lose interest, grow frustrated that you’re not getting
results faster, and drop the endeavor — only to derail progress
you probably didn’t see. Don’t make things harder for yourself
than they have to be, either. Swallow your pride and ask for help
when you need it. You should be doing the bulk of the work
yourself, but you absolutely do not have to go it alone.
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