Tuesday 22 October 2013

Jonathan And The Politics Of (S)election by Reuben Abati july 2010

 
The politics of zoning which has now become a vehicle of intrigue for the professional political class may end up as one of such scandals that could further widen the existing divisions within the country. President Goodluck Jonathan has a personal responsibility to ensure that he does not become a pawn or the architect of an unfolding subterfuge which could in the long run damage his administration’s interests. There are three clear issues involved in the arguments and counter-arguments about zoning as currently constructed. To the small circle of Jonathan’s political strategists (consultants?), it is un-Nigerian, and unadvisable for Jonathan to be President for a year, to organize a Presidential election only to hand over power and office to another person when he, Jonathan is neither sick nor uninterested. So, although Jonathan himself has not issued any categorical statement, his promoters are busy making a case for his presidency. In the process, they have cast the word “opportunism” in a new light, they have given desperation a new name, and the main victim even if they do not realise it now, is president Goodluck Jonathan himself who has unwittingly allowed the golden opportunity of his Presidency to be reduced to endless talks about 2011 and his personal ambition.
All those lofty promises he made when he assumed office have now become less important; his presidency is no longer focusing on electoral reform and integrity, not on the Niger Delta crisis, not on how to rescue the economy or the power sector, but more on how Jonathan can remain in power. The only obstacle that could stand in Jonathan’s path is the reported zoning formula in the Constitution of the Peoples Democratic Party in section 7(2) (c ) thereof which talks specifically about rotation and zoning of party and public elective offices…at all levels. It is this clause that the Jonathan consultants, driven by their own selfish interests and expediency want to circumvent in response to the insistence by certain sections of the North that the North to which the presidency was zoned in 2007 is yet to complete its two terms in office due to President Yar’Adua’s sudden death. They offer no compelling reason other than the fact of Jonathan’s incumbency (one year is not enough for him to make a difference!) and his ethnicity (the South South should be allowed to have it.) Unwittingly, those who claim to be opposing zoning are actually making a case for it only as long as it stands to the benefit of their kinsman or sponsors. But who says each zone must have two terms in the Presidential office compulsorily?
In an earlier piece on this subject, titled “Rotational Presidency and the “core North?”, (The Guardian, April 18 ) I had decried the use of the rotation principle to compromise merit or ability, and the tendency to assume that elected public officials necessarily carry the banner for group interests. This latter point is now fully on display and it presents 2011 as a big threat to Nigerian unity. In the last month alone, Governors of the South South have met to endorse Goodluck Jonathan as the only candidate for Presidency in 2011. The South East Governors were even more brazen: they resolved that nobody in their region must seek to become president or vice president in 2011. In the North, the Governors are divided, while some of the youth and other political stakeholders (Katsina Stakeholders Forum, Arewa Consultative Forum) are up in arms threatening that if the North is not allowed to continue from where late President Yar’Adua left off, there will be great trouble ahead. Some elements have served notice that they will be most willing to foment that trouble. Meanwhile, some Niger Delta militants have also threatened that the next President must be Jonathan or no one else. Thus, the ground seems to have been prepared for violence either before or after the 2011 elections. It is instructive that the group interests that have so far been expressed have all been about Jonathan’s ambition.
The intriguers are already conducting the next Presidential election, without PDP party primaries, and completely in spite of the opposition and the Nigerian voter. They want to select a President for us and they are threatening that we have no choice in the matter. The real scandal is how the unfolding electoral process has been reduced to how best to achieve their target. The decision of the National Assembly to change the order of elections (this was not an existing problem as such), placing National Assembly and Presidential elections first is deliberately calculated to achieve the Jonathan for president goal. Once Jonathan and the PDP win the Presidential and the National Assembly elections, the calculation is that the hands of the electorate will be tied, as very few communities would like to be shut out of power at the centre by voting for another political party. And to be sure that the Governors do not disappoint Jonathan, the PDP chair, Okwesilieze Nwodo is already flying the kite that the PDP Constitution will be amended to stop political appointees from being automatic delegates. It is a shame that President Jonathan will allow himself to be used in this manner. While pretending for the most part to be aloof, he ruined his own case this week, when he disclosed in Uganda that he intends to run an election that will not produce any litigation.

It is not his duty to run elections; that is the responsibility of INEC, and he is definitely not in a position to predict a priori that there will be no litigations because “there should be no reason for people to go to court”. Of course, there will be reasons for litigation, beginning with the current attempt to manipulate the legal framework for the elections. President Jonathan in seeking to become President in 2011 must present his candidacy on the platform of actual performance; he must go through due process within and outside the PDP; and he must do everything to subject himself to the rules. The most important feature of a democratic election is the right and power of the people to choose. He must defend that, because the emergent chaos ridicules the electoral process.
It is being argued in some quarters that all of this is a PDP affair, and that in no way does the argument about zoning preclude other political parties from fielding candidates of their choice. In principle, may be. But the practical reality is that the campaign for a Jonathan candidature is being conducted in such a way as to discourage any other persons from stepping forward as a Presidential candidate. The Nigerian Presidency is ultra-powerful and too many likely strong aspirants have so much that they cannot afford to risk; to challenge an incumbent President or Governor is to risk all forms of victimization including being kidnapped before the elections! The various Governors who are either choosing or rejecting Jonathan for 2011 are not doing so only as members of the PDP; they pretend to be speaking for the Nigerian people. Such arrogance which discounts the electorate can only take the country backwards.
The PDP must respect the rules of internal democracy in choosing its Presidential candidate, and it will be wrong to present its choice as a national decision that is binding on all and sundry. If Jonathan must be President, this must be determined in a free and fair manner, even within the party. Donald Duke in a famous statement that is now being reproduced widely has exposed the role that Governors play in the rigging of elections. It is these same Governors who are now insisting that Jonathan must be President in 2011. Only about eight Governors opposed the plan in the north. Attahiru Jega, the INEC Chairman has warned Resident Electoral Commissioners to stay away from the Governors, but how does he hope to enforce that directive? In better organized countries, Duke’s expose would have raised the level of debate and awareness, rather it has ended up as a matter for side-talk and needless jokes: a general indictment of all of us.
The urgent task before civil society is to resist every attempt by the PDP and other politicians to rig the 2011 elections before they actually take place. Already, a credible voters’ register is non-existent and to produce one in a hurry, the country has to provide N72 billion by August 11, an amount that has now suddenly gone up to N74 billion within a week. Is the computer error alluded to by Professor Jega due to changes in the exchange rate? It is like old times all over again; nothing has changed, except the personnel involved (even that is debatable).

Dame Patience, our president’s darling wife by Reuben Abati 27th August 2010


DEMOCRACY is readily associated with freedom: the freedom to be free in many respects and increasingly in Nigeria, many of our compatriots, particularly persons in positions of privilege and authority confuse this with the right to be disagreeable. The sober truth is that democracy is about rights and responsibilities, a democratic dispensation therefore cannot be a licence for disagreeable conduct as a norm; just as the possession of power in any form does not guarantee the right to be reckless or to ignore the etiquette required of office holders. Anyone in the corridors of power, either by chance or right, or appointment, is expected to behave decorously.

Dame Patience Jonathan, as she is now referred to, our President’s wife, failed the test this week in Okrika, Rivers State. It is trite knowledge that there is a critical difference between Yenagoa and Abuja, and a world of difference between being the wife of a Deputy Governor/Governor/Vice president and being the wife of Nigeria’s No 1 citizen. When people suddenly find themselves in such latter position, prepared or unprepared, anywhere in the world, they are taken through a crash programme in finishing and poise and made to realize that being the wife of an important man comes with serious responsibilities lest they sabotage the same person that they should be supporting.

If Dame Patience went through such re-orientation, the course was incomplete. This week, we got a feedback drawn from her visit to Rivers state to launch her NGO - the Women for Change Initiative, when she ended up in Okrika, her home town. This homecoming became an egoistic show-off as she openly contradicted the state Governor, offering him unsolicited lessons on how to develop the Okrika water front and school system, in addition to pointed comments on the use of the English language. The Governor had reportedly insisted that his administration must demolish some houses which adjoin the schools in Okrika in order to create a proper learning environment. Dame Patience disagreed.

She then gave an unsolicited lecture on the land tenure system telling the Governor: “I want you to get me clear. I am from here. I know the problems of my people so I know what I am talking…” The Governor tried to explain his administration’s policy and the larger public interest. The Dame reportedly cut him short: “But what I am telling you is that you always say you must demolish; that word must you use is not good. It is by pleading. You appeal to the owners of the compound because they will not go into exile. Land is a serious issue.” Wao! “that word must..is not good.” We must all commit that to memory as we re-learn Practical English according to Patience Jonathan!

If it is in the place of the President’s wife to teach a state Governor how to run his state, it is definitely not in her place to veto a state policy (the reason the governor used the word “must”), not even her husband has such powers. It seemed as if Dame Patience Jonathan was determined to impress her kith and kin. She told them she had directed the governor not to demolish their houses. Then, she left straight for the airport obviously having overstayed her welcome and having behaved like a bad guest. She was scheduled to visit the prisons to grant amnesty to some inmates (is that really her duty or something that should be in her itinerary? ); she was also meant to commission some projects. The face-off between her and the governor put paid to all that.

On the eve of her arrival, a group which calls itself “the Okrika Political Stakeholders Forum” and “the people of Kirikese” had actually placed an advert in the papers welcoming “our amiable daughter and sister…to Rivers state and your home town Okrika.” They also brought up the issue of “the land reclamation and shore protection project at Oba Ama, Okrika being undertaken by the Rivers state government.” (Daily Sun, August 23, 2010, p. 2). Either on the strength of this advertorial or private consultations, Dame Patience must have felt compelled to be a partisan stakeholder and intercessor. She needed to put Rotimi Amaechi, the state Governor in his place and that was what did. She recommended “pleading,” - that advice is actually meant for her. A state Governor is a duly elected official; and in a Federal system, he is not answerable to the President, and nowhere is the president granted the powers of a Headmaster over state governors. In Okrika, Dame Patience behaved so impatiently and spoke to Governor Amaechi as if he is on the staff of the Presidency. It may not be her fault though. Amaechi caused it all by bringing himself to such level by undertaking to debrief Dame Patience about his administration’s programmes and activities in the misguided hope of getting cheap political endorsement. He should have asked his wife to attend to her. On the issue of land, Dame Patience should be reminded that the Land Use Act, Section 1 thereof, says the state Governor holds the land in trust for the people. Land matters in the state are beyond the ken of the wife of the President!

The wife of the President of Nigeria, or a state Governor, or a local council chairman, is not a state official. The same applies to husbands if the gender is reversed. He or she is unknown to the constitution or the governance structure. Recent history has however made it a convention to have the spouses of persons in such positions under the guise of providing support, play some ceremonial roles. This has been routinely abused. Under the Jonathan presidency, Dame Patience Jonathan even got a special allocation in the original budget for the 2010 Golden jubilee anniversary whereas she has no official, financial reporting responsibilities! The international standard is that spouses in these circumstances must not only appear but be seen to be above board like Caesar’s wife. They must not misbehave like Marie Antoinette.

When Cherie Blair, wife of former British PM, Tony Blair started buying up houses, apartments and antique furniture, the public raised questions. It didn’t matter that she was a professional in her own right, a Queen’s Counsel with a traceable source of income. There were also questions about the scope of Hillary Clinton’s influence during her husband’s Presidency: Americans wanted to be sure that it was the man they elected that was in charge, not his wife. A couple of weeks ago, the American public was up in arms against Michelle Obama and her poll rating dropped drastically after a visit to Spain where she and her daughter reportedly stayed in a $7, 000 a night hotel.

Much earlier, Nancy Reagan was also the butt of public criticism, with people asking: who is she? And this is not a female thing. In Britain, Prince Phillip, the Queen’s husband, is constantly criticized for putting his foot in his mouth. He once said for example that “British women can’t cook.” He told a visiting Nigerian President, all dressed up in babariga (name withheld): “you look like you’re ready for bed.” During a state visit to China, he told British students: “if you stay much longer, you’all be slitty-eyed.” Prince Phillip’s supporters insist that he is honest, but the majority ask: how is the Queen coping with such a man who is perpetually saying something offensive? There may be persons who defend Dame Patience’s aggressive style, but some of us ask: how is the President coping?

Since Dr Jonathan assumed office, he and his wife have been practically on the road. The Dame has travelled from one state to the other, under the auspices of the Women for Change Initiative. In every state she tells the women to vote and “make sure your vote counts if you like my husband.” Is she now a partisan politician? The Jonathans must be told that Nigeria does not have a co-Presidency. We have only one president and his name is Goodluck Ebele Jonathan. And by the way, what does Dame Patience Jonathan do for a living? She obviously does not have to deal with the challenges of rotation and zoning in her home, unlike the three wives of the Adamawa Governor, Murtala Nyako for whom zoning and rotation have become topical subjects or the wives of South African President Jacob Zuma - that is why she can afford to be so meddlesome!

When she misbehaves as she did in Okrika, she creates the impression that her husband is not in control of his own home. First ladies are prominent figures but their conduct is an eternal subject of public interest. In Nigeria, there was Victoria Gowon, there was also Ajoke Muhammed: dignified and restrained. There was Maryam Babangida - she was influential but no one could accuse her of verbal recklessness; Mrs Abdusalami Abubakar was a court judge, totally self-effacing, No major social party was complete without Mrs Stella Obasanjo, yet she controlled her tongue. Mrs Turai Yar’Adua was described as the power behind the throne and she proved that during the period of her husband’s illness but she was carefully reticent. At the state level, there was Remi Tinubu in Lagos state and Onari Duke in Cross River state who have both conducted themselves responsibly in and out of office. The new First Lady likes to travel, party, and talk outside the script. People are beginning to learn to read her lips in order to understand her husband. Dame Patience must not push her Goodluck.

Monday 21 October 2013

I am human, don't blame me (2)

from previous article
         As she sat down on the chair you know her gown would jump up small, my eyes almost popped out when I saw those sexy laps but i managed not to let her notice. Well at that moment I didn’t know what to say or do i was just perambulating about a spot. Long story short, i went to get her a drink and snacks to cool the temperature. Fortunately there was power supply, thanks to the power holding company of naija so i switched on the TV and she requested I change the channel to Trace that she likes cool foreign music.  She ate slowly and we gisted about we have talked about on 2go, the number of boyfriends she had had, the she enjoyed the moments with them, we also talked about academics in which she didn’t want to talk much about, i knew she wasn’t really good at school so i shifted to the girls’ talk of boys and girls.
After about 1hrs.30mins that we have gisted and laughed, that was how she shifted towards me and rested on my chest, i was shocked! Maka why? But as per am a guy nau, I had to comport and flow along. As the flesh would have it, i don’t know when I started caressing her face and arm in which i moved so close to kiss her, she surprisely opened her mouth and inserted her tongue in my mouth, my eyes opened wide. We kissed for about 10mins, she stopped suddenly and looked into my face and pulled my hands to her breast. My head shattered! Blood was rushing so fast, first timer, bloody learner that I was! Anyways, I sha you know nau... that one went on for another 10mins then the badest one was when she grabbed my already super hard third leg, I wanted to explode. You know that feeling nau. i am sure u know nau? Let me stop the ending part now. Hmmmmmm, your mind is bad; you want me to continue abi? No! I know you know the ending part.

Anyways, that was how the flesh took over me o, I fell big time. The guilt of life can upon me. I regretted what I did but I am human please don’t blame me. It could happen to any of you guys but doesn’t mean you should fall like me. Killing boredom with productive activity is the best and above all let the word of God flow through your mind and heart. Thanks.

Nigerian AGIP Postgraduate Scholarship Award 2013/2014

Brief description
Nigerian AGIP Exploration Limited Operator of the NNPC/NAE/Oando PSC Is Offering 2013/2014 Postgraduate Scholarship Award Scheme for graduate students to study in Nigeria and Overseas
Eligible Field of Study
Only candidates with offer of admission in disciplines related to the following areas should apply;
Geosciences, Engineering (Petroleum, Civil, Structural, Mechanical, Sub Sea, Electrical, Marine, Chemical), Petroleum Economics, Oil and Gas Law
About Scholarship
Nigerian Agip Exploration Limited (NAE), on behalf of the NNPC/NAE/OANDO PSC, is committed to the training and development of manpower as part of its Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) programme.
In pursuance of this, NAE invites applications from suitably qualified and interested Nigerian graduates for the 2013/2014 Post Graduate Scholarship Award Scheme. The award is in two categories – Nigerian and Overseas.
Scholarship Offered Since: Not specified
Scholarship Type: Masters scholarships
Selection Criteria and Eligibility
To qualify, applicants MUST:
  • Possess a minimum of Second Class Upper Bachelors degree from a recognized Nigerian University.
  • Must have secured admission into a Nigerian or Overseas University (based on the category being applied for) for a one year Master’s Degree programme in any of the disciplines listed below.
  • Not above 25 years of age by December 2013.
Number of Scholarships: Several
Value of Scholarship: Not specified
Duration of Scholarship: for the period of study
Eligible Countries: Nigeria
To be taken at (country): Nigerian and Overseas higher institutions
Application Deadline: 31st December 2013
Offered annually? Yes
How to Apply
If you are qualified and interested, please read these instructions and proceed to complete the application.
Applicants will be required to upload the following documents along with their application:
  • Birth Certificate
  • Passport photograph (with white background)
  • First Degree Certificate
  • Proof of Provisional Admission
Sponsors: Nigerian AGIP Exploration Limited
Important Notes:
  • Shortlisted candidates will be required to take an aptitude test
  • Successful candidates will be contacted with details of the qualifying test via SMS text and email.
  • Strict compliance with above guidelines is required
  • Employees of NAE and other affiliate companies and their dependants are not eligible for this scholarship
- See more at: http://www.afterschoolafrica.com/589/nigerian-agip-postgraduate-scholarship/#sthash.YB4gl6U2.dpuf

Friday 18 October 2013

Boxing Legend Ayodele Peters Says He Regrets Being A Nigerian, Read His Touching Story



Olympian Ayodele Peters laments living in poverty despite being a former international sportsman.

.Lost his wife, kids for N5, 000 medication

.Regrets rejecting citizenship of France, Britain

.Lives in an uncompleted building

.Forced to retire prematurely

.Wants his entitlements paid

A line in the National anthem says ‘The labour of our heroes past shall never be in vain’ But whether this promise is strictly adhered to has become an illusion to the majority of Nigerians. But that is one promise that has been called to question in the lives of many who have spent their active years serving the nation. This particularly true of sports men and women abandoned by the nation at the most critical times of their lives

The families of sports legends like Hogan ‘King’Bassey, Rashidi Yekini, Muda Lawal, Sam Okwaraji, Christ Odumezua, Sam Ojebode, Joseph Ladipo, and lately Thomson Oliha, would testify to this fact. Even the living ones like Joe Mensah, Sebastian Brodericks, Paul Hamilton, Davidson Andeh, Tunde Disu, Sunday Onyerekwa, Peter Konyegwachie, Peter Aneke, Joe Lasisi, and the first Olympic medalist for Nigeria, Nojeem Mayegun, who now resides in Austria, cannot boast of enjoying the best of rewards for the services they rendered to their fatherland.

One of the latest victims of this official neglect is Ayodele Peters, a retired boxer who went as far as representing Nigeria at the Olympics games in 1980. But all he has to show for that today is grinding poverty on account of which he lost his wife and children and now lives in an uncompleted building in a remote part of Lagos.

Peters abode is situated on Kehinde Onifade Street, a lonely street in the Alaja area of Ayobo, a Lagos suburb. It is a three bedroom bungalow devoid of any identification number because of its remote nature. It has no doors or windows and looks abandoned in every sense. Tattered cloths serves as window blinds in the apartment he also shares with some domestic animals. The room that harbours him also harbours a stove, pots, and other cooking utensils,

Like most Nigeria’s sport legends, his journey from grace to grass started when according to him he fell out with the officials of the Ogun State Sports Council in 1989. Having started his boxing career as a student of the Lagos State Technical College, where he graduated with a certificate in Building Technology in 1976, Peters was immediately co-opted as one of the pioneer staff of the Ogun State Sports Council after its creation same year. Recounting his ordeal, ‘Anikulapo’ as he is fondly called by his admirers narrated how he watched his wife and kids, a boy and a girl snatched away by the cold hands of death in a bizarre circumstance in 1996. According to him they had fallen ill at different times and he couldn’t provide five thousand naira for their medications.

Just 56 years of age, the frail –looking ex-boxer is already looking 80. He took this correspondent through a long walk from the Megida Bus/stop, Ayobo to his resident, on Kehinde Onifade Street, as he keeps apologizing after every ten metres walked: “My brother I am really sorry taking you through this stress, I am ashamed we could not board an okada (Commercial motor-cycle), that is because I don’t have the hundred naira to spear. Please forgive me. This is what I have had to face for so many years now. At times I walk longer distance,” he had said repeatedly.

Peters had represented Nigeria at the 1980 Olympic Games in Moscow, where he fought his way to the quarter finals before he was stopped by an Iraqi boxer in the 63.5 kg weight category. Before his Olympic appearance, he made his mark on the local scene as one of the most decorated boxers in the country, winning laurels at the prestigious National Sports Festival and other competitions for Ogun Statein the 70s and late 80s, with the dreaded Davidson Andeh as one of his contemporaries.

“I was employed into the Ogun State Sports Council the same year it was created. So we were the pioneer employees of the state and I was placed on grade level 03. By 1978, I had four fights for Ogun State and after our recruitment, a former light- heavy weight champion then Archi More was in Nigeria on contract with the National Sport Commission and seconded to the Nigeria Amateur Boxing Association. He left Lagos and after some months came to Abeokuta. It is through him I discovered the secrets of boxing and after taking us through a course I was awarded a grade 3 coaching certificate.

“Later I had to fight at the Alake area of the state against Kwara and Benue states all of which I won convincingly and I was in Ilorin and Makurdi as well and repeated the same feat. By 1979 I had boxed my way into the national team during the fourth National Sports Festival,Oluyole‘79 where I met the dreaded Davidson Andehin the finals and I had a cut on my eye-lead. I love him, I have a lot of regard for him, he’s got speed and one of the best boxers Nigeria has ever produced. I won silver for Ogun State at the competition but three months later we met again in the champion of champions’ competition (Eagles’ Belt) in Lagos, thought i had a good fight, but he defeated me again with a slim margin.

“By 1980 I was one of the four boxers invited to the national camp and I was the only one that qualified because I won my three fights via knockouts to be the only qualified boxer from Ogun State ahead of the European championship, and by God’s grace I excelled. I returned from the competition and I was selected to represent Nigeria at the 22nd Olympics in Moscow same year where I lost in the quarter finals to an Iraqi boxer, I have forgotten his name now. Coming to Nigeria I was supposed to commence my annual leave after the Olympics, but was invited to the state camp in preparation for the all Technical Colleges Games hosted by Kano ‘tagged’Dala 80’. I reported to camp in Ijebu –Ode,my leave notwithstanding. I won the only gold medal among all the Ogun State contingents to that game. Though I got the award of the best sportsman of the year in Ogun State that year, but the sports council didn’t inform me so it was done in absential. Though I was sad about it, I had to move on. In 1981 I was selected again to represent the country at the European championship where I performed very well,” he explained.

Expressing regrets at sticking with Nigeria when he had options of taking up the citizenship of top European countries like France and Great Britain, the Lagos born former athlete has had to leave from hand to mouth in his country of birth. Claiming to have lost everything he worked for in life, Peters’ only consolation is the fact that he is hale and healthy, and that his aged mother, who according to him is approaching her 90s and resides at the Magodo area of Lagos, is still alive.

“I love boxing because it is a way of life. I am so sad now that I rejected the citizenship of some countries especially France way back in 1980 because I was carried away by patriotism for Nigeria. I loved representing my country, but now I don’t know how I feel about Nigeria. I feel deadness within me, I feel like I don’t exist anymore likewise some of my other colleagues, who are still alive. I am even grateful to God that I am able to walk around. There are some of my contemporaries that are very sick, blind, and yet the country they served all their lives is not looking their way why? Why are we like this? When will things change? Why do we do this to ourselves?

“I regret being a Nigerian and I am ashamed. I am really ashamed; I don’t see anything good coming. This is a country where its only when you are active that you are remembered after that you are finished nobody looks after you. Look at countries as small as Benin Republic here they don’t neglect there ex –sportsmen or women. We call ourselves the largest black nation and we are like this. I am sad for Nigeria, and sad for the children coming into the world through this country. Is this what they will also face in the future? For one to spend his fruitful years serving a country and now leaving in an uncompleted building in my home state. What can I say, except that God should help me. I can’t pray for death, no. And I have become the greatest coward, the moment it comes to committing suicide, I am the number coward I can’t. I hope God will do something fast, put it in somebody’s heart to take me out of this mess. I am sorry in 1996 I lost my wife and two children to death for lack of money to purchase prescribed medicine I am a sad man. I am a loner,” he lamented.

Peters continued: “I hope I will not die in this situation because it will not be a good story for the land and even those living on it. If so many of us have died mysteriously, then why do we need to serve the country? People keep billions in their accounts, what do they do with it? Our mind sets must change, what would have been enough for children yet unborn, one individual will just put it in his account. I am just praying that God will not allow me die this way. Since 1994 that the sports council threw me to the street because of money and title, yes I mean the Ogun State Sport Council. From 1976 to 1994 they pushed me out on compulsory retirement, by 1996 they asked me to write an application for voluntary retirement. I made grade level 07 since 1986, so how can the sports council place me on compulsory retirement without the Ministry of Sports? The Sports Council is a parastatal under the Ministry of Sports, so they can’t say they place me on compulsory retirement without the Ministry of Sports.

“By 1991 I have made grade level 09 and this was why I was pushed out. They said I am not an indigene of Ogun State, when I was representing and winning laurels nobody saw that. The lord has been preserving my soul otherwise I would have been dead by now. I am more saddened and look humiliated being a Yoruba man from the South West, because all they want to do is to try and get you down. I watched how Abiola was killed and I cried for myself, my people are terrible. I was asked to go and box forOgun State, even when they know I was involved in a serious motor accident, I still have the scar on my head, 18 stitches and I have the medical certificate. I was asked to stay away from active boxing and the sports council asked me to go and box as the only condition to effect my reinstatement as directed by Cornel Raji Rasaki, since February 1988 before he was transferred to Lagos. Do you know I still had to box in 1989? But God helped me. The day Okwaraji died I was boxing at the University of Lagos where they put the ring. The 8th National Sports Festival and I still won a medal. Unbelievable! And the state governor, Military Administrator Navy Capt. Lawal, at the time said all medalist in the employ of the sports council should be promoted to the next salary grade level so that has put me to level 08 since ’89 but all through that year, the sports council didn’t effect it.

“A new Director of Sports came on board, I went to him and he gave me a new appointment, placing me on grade 07, a position I attained in 1986. I was advised to take it because it will give me better opportunity to fight my case. So I took it and started writing letters and by 1991 the Commissioner for Sports who signed my reinstatement, Dr. Ibikunle died suddenly, and since then the sports council have failed to implement what has been given to them,” he narrated.

According to him by 1989 the Director of Sports and the Administrative Officer in the state’s Sports Council were removed by the state government for financial impropriety. A Sole Administrator was appointed in person of one Mr.Runsewe. He went to him and presented his case again, but to his amazement, Runsewe expressed fears, revealing that those behind his case were too powerful to handle.

“He said to me in confidence, Peters I have seen your paper but I am afraid, your people here are too powerful, I don’t want to die. Your case is before me but there’s nothing I can do. He then said if I can win a medal for the state at the sports festival he will have the basis to do something. I felt so bad after I have been asked to stop active boxing, but like I said earlier I won a medal to the glory of God. In 1991 a new Commissioner for Sports was appointed in the person of Mrs Oshifunke Kuku, you remember I said the other Commissioner, who signed my reinstatement died suddenly. I went to Kuku with my petition, and she assured me that I will receive a letter from her office, which I truly received three days later. I wrote the petition through the Sports Council as directed, and she confirmed that truly my reinstatement has been sent since 1988. She said she has effected it including the outstanding promotions for the medals I won. She told me that I will be given grade level 09 step 2. And I was congratulated by the Honourable Commissioner,” he said.

He wallowed in that situation for some more years before a certain Military Administrator ofOgun State, Cornel Daniel Akintande warded in. He was addressing a forum at the Cultural Centre, where Peters indicated his intention to present his case. The governor requested that he’s allowed to speak despite efforts made to shut him down. And after presenting his case, he was asked to rout the details through the Director General Bureau of Establishment and Training at the Sports Council, Alhaji Egberongbe. The details was sent to the Sports Council as directed and three days later he was attacked by nine men for going to the cultural centre to talk to the Military Administrator.

“I still have the Police and hospital reports in my hands. Despite the fact that I recognized two out of the nine men, who attacked me the Police didn’t arrest any of them in 1994. They said I must have stepped on powerful toes. I almost died after the attack but thank God for the passersby who untied me. My hands and legs were tied together and I was dumped in a thick forest for over three hours. That was at Ayeloja Village, behind the mechanic village Ita-Oshin.

“All I am asking for is that I should be reinstated and paid my arrears of pension. It is my entitlement and I should not be denied. I also want to beg Governor Fashola to help me with a descent place to leave in and a job I can do for the state, I am a qualified boxing coach. Boxing gave us the kind of recognition we enjoyed on the world stage. It started in 1968, you remember Nojeem Mayegun, who won the first medal for Nigeria at the Olympics. Thank God he does not leave here but in Austria. I am grateful to God for him. But recently I learnt he said he was home sick and want to return home but that he’s afraid to come home. I love Governor Fashola for what he is doing for sports. Have you watch him play football, he is a beautiful footballer. I love him so much, and I know that if he was a boxer, things would have been better for the ex- boxers because those in boxing don’t value their own.

“Go to the National Stadium and see where my coach Hogan Bassey is buried, he was buried like a pauper. I have told myself that if I have the money I will go and rebuild his tomb and make it more beautiful. His tomb should be a tourist attraction, he was a world champion. I don’t know but I pray His Excellency Governor Fashola can give me a place to leave. I want to discover and develop boxers for Nigeria. Already he has made a name for himself for what he has done as far as sports development is concerned. I love him for that and I don’t care about his religion,” he said.

Comparing his situation with that of the biblical Job, Peters is fast losing sight of the fond memories he enjoyed representing Nigeria in boxing as he seems to have nothing to be proud of anymore. His present condition is so devastating that he feels abandoned by a country he spent his youthful years serving in the area of sports. Praying that succor will come his way soon, he is however determined to keep hope alive until his change comes.

“I don’t think there’s any future for the sports in the country. If I had children I won’t allow them represent this country. My only option for them will be that they rather represent a country that will see to their welfare when they grow old. Even if you are injured while representing the country, they will still take care of the individual not a country like Nigeria. I am just being frank with,” he said.

But if Peters’ claims are anything to go by, then something drastic should be done before we lose another sports legend as a result of negligence.

© Culled from The Nation

How do you can get a word into the dictionary?


“I coined a new word. How do I get it into the dictionary?”
This is, by far, the question lexicographers hear the most. People invent new words all the time, but which ones actually make it? When lexicographers decide what words to add to dictionaries, they try to imagine what words users actually want to look up. There are two important factors to keep in mind here: 1) Is the word in widespread usage? 2) Does the word have staying power?
The usage question is an important one that gets at the heart of how dictionaries are written. When modern lexicographers define words or find words to add to dictionaries, they tend to approach their work from the angle of descriptivism. That is, they observe how the language is being used, and then write definitions based on that research. Compare this to a prescriptivist approach, which is more concerned with determining how things should be. While a prescriptivist might say that calling someone cray-cray when you mean to express that person’s mental state is not appropriate, a descriptivist might look at the same utterance and do some research to see if it’s a common phenomenon. Lexicographers are very unlikely to proclaim, “That’s not a word!” unless they are challenging an opponent in Scrabble.
Widespread usage does not, however, guarantee a word a shiny new definition in a dictionary. Is the word going stay around for a while, or is it just a passing fad? Does it fill a gap in the language? Is it likely to be in use in 5, 10, 20, or even 100 years? These are important questions to ask because there are far more updates and new words to be added to dictionaries than lexicographers have time to write.
Which brings us to the question at hand: how do you get YOUR word into the dictionary?
Are you famous? Do you have influence?If you’re famous and have a following, that could definitely up your chances of getting a word into a dictionary. Are you a writer? That could help. Take, for example, William Shakespeare, who coined (or at least popularized) hundreds of words and phrases commonly used today. And there’s Dr. Seuss, who coined the term nerd. But writers aren’t the only ones who tend to have coinages. Politicians also tend to do very well. Abraham Lincoln coined the word neologize, among other words, and Winston Churchill has the first citation in the OED for many words, including fluffily and fly-in. Maybe you’re a blogger. The term blog is a relatively new coinage, which arose in 1999 when Peter Merholz made a lighthearted comment on the sidebar of his then “weblog” telling his readers “I’ve decided to pronounce the word ‘weblog’ as wee’-blog. Or ‘blog’ for short.” Or perhaps you’re a media personality. Take, for example, Stephen Colbert’s coinage truthiness, which received the honor of becoming a 2005 Word of the Year, as appointed by the American Dialect Society. If you’re a person with influence and a following, the words you use can spread into common usage, which, as discussed above, is a very important metric when it comes to attaining immortalization via dictionary-entry.
Have you invented or discovered anything amazing lately that previously had no name?If you’re not famous, there are other ways to make a word go viral. Have you invented or discovered anything amazing lately? Maybe you’re a scientist introducing new concepts to the public. Geochemist Wallace Broecker used the term global warming in the title of a 1975 paper, and that’s been the name for the phenomenon of climate change ever since. But you don’t have to be a scientist making important contributions to knowledge to get a word in the dictionary. Just look at Dominique Ansel, the pastry chef who captured the stomachs of New Yorkers with his hybrid portmanteau dessert, the cronut. His culinary invention even inspired copycats in the form of doissants and duffinsCronut has yet to demonstrate that it is more than a passing fad, so it remains undictionaried. For now, that is.
So, why do some words make it into dictionaries while others don’t? As discussed above, main factors include widespread usage and staying power. Apart from these, it does sometimes help if the word is fun to say, like blog or nerd. Words can also stick around longer if they fill a gap in the language, as with truthiness. With this knowledge in hand, go forth! Use language creatively! Lexicographers are listening.

Thursday 17 October 2013

The 3 Questions People Always Forget to Ask in an Interview


Getting an interview for that dream job is a perfect chance to sell yourself and you need to make sure that you get everything right.

Preparation is vital and it goes without saying that you should turn up for the interview knowing everything there is to know about your prospective employers and the role that you have applied for.
Of course, no two interviews are ever the same and the line of questions that you take will be determined by the nature of the company and the people who are interviewing you.
But I have always been more impressed by candidates who ask ME questions. The process should never be one sided - you need to take control. The best way of doing this is to ask as many questions as the interviewer does.
There are at least three questions you should definitely have ready to ask for every job interview you go for. Remember the aim is to sell yourself as a bright, motivated and ambitious individual but it is important not to be too obvious. The people who are interviewing you will have heard it all before and they will be looking for someone who has that little bit extra quality or personality which sets them apart from the rest of the crowd.
Here are three questions that you should always try and ask:
What qualities are you looking for in the person you are hoping to appoint?
This may sound like a very obvious starting point but it is vital for both parties to grasp exactly what it is needed from candidate in terms of skills and experience. Remember the whole point of the interview is to prove you are the person that they want and are looking for. There is a much better chance of being able to do that if you actually ask the interviewers straight from the start what their ideal candidate would be.
What scope is there for personal development at your company?
It is important to show any prospective employee that you are the type of person who is ambitious and is looking to move their career forward. No one wants to take on an individual who is going to be content to coast and you need to show that you are not coming along just for an easy ride. Any ambitious and forward thinking company will be looking for like minded individuals. Ask a question which will give you give the chance to show just how driven you are.
Is there anything you have seen in the other people on the shortlist that you have not seen in me?

This is a great question to throw into the mix as the interview is drawing to a natural close. I remember a candidate asking me this once and I had to smile because it left me with nowhere to go. As well as turning the tables on the panel it is also a great way of gauging just how well or how badly you have performed throughout the course of the selection process. You should always be looking to improve and getting feedback from an interviewer is a crucial part of this. It is a risky strategy to take because you might get an answer you are not happy with. But if you are prepared to take a risk, then this final question is a gamble that just might pay off.

SEVEN STEPS TO PREPARE FOR AN INTERVIEW-James Caan





In such a tough environment it has become harder than ever before to land that all-important interview so when you do, you want to be sure you make no mistakes.
The key to being successful at anything in life is to put in the effort and hard work. If you haven’t prepared yourself properly for an interview, then any experienced interviewer will catch you out sooner rather than later.
However, there are a number of ways to make sure that you are properly geared up for that all important interview.
1) Get yourself in the right frame of mind.
You want to be in the best possible shape when you arrive for an interview. A positive mental attitude is the key – think back to any previous successes you have had, in any walk of life but particularly job related. Visualising these will automatically put you in a good frame of mind. Also, make sure you know exactly where you are going when you set out and that you leave yourself plenty of time when you get there. Turning up late or flustered puts you in a slightly panicky mindset and this is the last thing you want.
2) Make sure you look the part
It goes without saying that you don’t want to turn up for the interview looking scruffy; first impressions are everything. Everything about you is a shop window and as an interviewer I will be scrutinising every aspect. For example if your shoes are dirty or your appearance is messy that is an instant mark against you. It may sound silly but it tells me you lack attention to detail.
3) Match yourself to the job spec
Prospective employers will want to know that you have properly understood what it is they are looking for in a candidate. Make sure that you have fully understood the role you are applying for by studying the job specification and whether your skills and experience would make you a suitable candidate. I have had candidates in the past who spent a great deal of time talking about big corporate deals they have closed, when in actual fact the job spec states we would like someone with a totally different skill set. Had they explained why their skill set was suited to the exact role, they would have had a far better chance.
4) Ask for advice
When in doubt ask for advice from someone who might be able to help you. If you know someone who has worked for the company you have applied for, then talk to them and find out about the company culture and the person interviewing you. Something like LinkedIn can also be a big help here. Failing that, do you know somebody who works in a similar role for another organisation?
5) Do your homework
Thanks to the internet It has never been easier to do some research on the organisation you are hoping to work for. Any interviewer is immediately going to dismiss a candidate who turns up not knowing his or her stuff, so it would be foolish to not do your homework. Some general facts about the company, for example an award they may have recently won, is good to drop into the conversation before the interview has started. After that, you should know more specific details about the job you are going for. If you are applying for a finance position, you should have a good grasp of their latest accounts, or if you are applying for a sales role, looking at recent deals the company has made is a must.
6) Have some questions up your sleeve
At some stage in the interview you are going to be asked if you have any questions. This can often make or break your chances. This is where you need to take control and ask the interviewer almost as many questions as they asked you. Take every chance to drill down the role and the company. Generic questions like “what are the hours” won’t tell you anything of significance – what you really want is information such as what a typical day consists of and what are your key performance indicators. Challenging the interviewer like this immediately tells them you are a proactive person, and they will be sure to remember you when the interviews are all done. For more advice on this read my blog 'The 3 questions people always forget to ask in an interview'
7) Be confident but not cocky
It is important to be confident about yourself and your abilities, without going over the top. Employers want people who are lively and full of self-belief, but they also want someone who will work well alongside their existing team. Be careful not to cross the fine line between confidence and arrogance, as the latter is something managers rarely look for in new hires.

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Friday 11 October 2013

I am human, dnt blame me (1)

It all started during this strike ooo, thanks to the endless tussle between ASUU & FG. It’s no news that everyone was advised to go to their various homes. Thank God it was during the private universities’ and secondary schools’ break so it wasn’t so boring at first because my homies were around. My mind was like the clock, ticking away steadily, what do I do now, my thinking faculty asked?  Although nothing profitable emerged, I slowly took solace in 2go chatting with friends endlessly, we talked about everything talk able. It went on like that for days.
Suddenly, it all got boring again after talking about everything every day. Then my mind started going wild & ‘creative’, bad thoughts didn’t only just creep in, they cling to my state of mind. I started looking for female friends on 2go to have sex chat with but the girls seemed kindaof innocent and as a good dude, I left them so I won’t be the guy to assemble ASUU babies.
After the long search of girls to flirt with, I met a friend of mine who told me about a girl in my area that is vunerable and easy to catch. I got her 2go username and added her up. That evening, I was so excited that i said to myself   “owo mi ti ba” i.e my hand don catch am. So later that evening, she came online; I wrote ‘hi’, she replied ‘hello’ then I introduced myself and she did also, we got talking that night. Next day I greeted first, she didn’t reply immediately, I was scared that this girl has vexed for me but alas she replied me after some minutes with an excuse that she was busy cooking. I was relieved, you know that kind of relieve jawe. Anyways, we gisted about boys and girls relationship, you know that’s what interest girls. We chatted for about 2hrs that day. The interesting part after our constant talk on 2go, I just tried my luck on asking her if she could come to my house and surprisingly she replied that she could come, I was so shocked and scared, me that was just joking. I sha formed like I was excited and flowed along.
Hmmmm, that day came ooo, wow! She came to my house, fortunately abi unfortunately nobody was around, I was the only one at home. You needed to see what this girl wore to my house, my mouth was opened unnoticed, and my gaze was perfectly stable. It was mad and super sexy as per first time seeing her real life; she wore a short gown that if a little breeze blows, its gona show us the hidden treasure. Instantly, my third leg elongated letting my panties battle against expansion but thank God I wore a tight jean trouser, and it suppressed it. We exchanged pleasantries and asked her to sit down; she went to sit on the long chair in my sitting room. You guys should guess the reason why she did that ..., crazy thought!


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Thursday 10 October 2013

WARRI BOY'S LETTER TO PRESIDENT JONATHAN ON ASUU STRIKE

Oga president,
First of all I hail ooo! I no say u no dey cary last. You be confirm warri pikin. But ur middle name Ebele means mercy and make u pity ur children settle their lecturers naa! The matter neva tire u? Suppose say ur pikin wey u born for belle follow us dey house, Sheeh you for never answer our we lecturers them? Una say make we bone kidnapping, militant things and all the bad bad things go enter school, now now na una com dey f**k up. All the things wey them lecturers don teash us for klass we don forget am finish. Last last, na una go still call us "half-baked", "half-roasted", abi na "half-fried". Na una sabi.

Them talk say person no fit run pass him shadow. We go dey lasgidi dey for you. Na ur time be dis use am well, but we go catch you for 2015. U don forget say youths na we dey vote pass. Na we too dey snatch ballot box, dey do rally and som kain kukere things them wey them dey take win election. U go still nid our help. That time too we go go strike. Shebi u sabi waka for bare feet, u go carry ur leg do ur rally. No thugs for u. We no go snatch ballot make you for win. If any maga try am we go fall am.

So Oga Jona, na ur opportunity be dis ooo. Make u code this stubborn ASUU make dem cary their wahala go back. We no say na rush them go rush us we no send. All join. Na who get leg dey pass exam no be who read. Na still who get leg dey get beta work. Na Naija we dey. So make u do something because our mate dem for private university don graj finish. We don tire to dey beef them. If u no shake bodi fast make u no forget say university of militancy still dey admit. Dey neva release 2nd batch ooo!

May u grit maale Patience for we, thank baba God say she and gran papa Soyinka don settle that their quarrel, 2 agbayas, plus all those bad belle advisers wey u get. God pass them! Bros Amaechi still dey Niger-delta here, the guy don tire for ur mata. We dey grit u for am too. We go stop for here. E go be na. Naija! student for life!
Na ur waffi boy.

#ceo

Tuesday 8 October 2013

Top Tips For Creating a Recognisable Brand


Brand awareness or a high profile is one of the most important tools any business can have at its disposal. You can have the best products in the marketplace or provide the best possible service but you will get nowhere if you have no profile or a weak brand.
Some of the most successful businesses in the world such as Google, Apple and Coca Cola are based around being instantly recognisable. And all the best brands inspire confidence in their customers because they are instantly associated with quality and customers know exactly what it is they are buying into.
Here are some ways that even the smallest firms can create a brand without spending a fortune on advertising.

Find a niche

If you are operating in a crowded market place then it can be a tough call to set yourself apart from the opposition and get your brand noticed. One of the best ways to be different is to find a niche that no one has yet discovered or mastered. If you can establish your firm as the best place to go to in a particular field then you’re always going to be onto a winner. Once you have built a great reputation in a particular field you will find that new business and customers will come looking for you.

Send out the right message

People often take things at face value, so image is hugely important. Things like your location, your logo, your website – these are all part of the message you are sending to potential clients and customers. Any start-up company with serious ambitions for the future should be thinking about sending out a statement that tells the market place a quality new business has arrived on the scene.

Network

It may be a very old-fashioned concept but one of the best ways to get yourself noticed is to go out there and network. Business has always been based on making personal contacts and one of the most effective ways to reach a wide audience in a short space of time is by building up an address book. In my early days I felt uncomfortable and slightly awkward in networking situations but they are a vital part of doing business and a great way to get yourself known. If you’re not talking about your business nobody else will, so get out there and start making those connections.

Prove your Quality

It may sound obvious but to be able to create a top brand, you have to have the products and services to back up the marketing. Whatever field you are operating in, take a close look at what your rivals are doing and then go all out to provide a better service than them. Customers will always go for the best value goods and if you can establish yourself as the leader in your market place then your offer will speak for itself. Movie companies will spend millions on marketing but if the film is no good then the audience will simply stay away, as word of mouth is an incredibly powerful form of communication. Remember, good marketing on its own will only ever work in the short term and is worthless without the right product.

Use the Internet


The advent of the Internet has been one the biggest game changers the business world has seen since the Industrial Revolution. The opportunities offered by the Internet are endless, from social media to blogging to search engine optimisation and one of the best things about the Internet is that it is virtually free and you can market directly to your customer base. Any business, large or small, should be making full use of every opportunity that is available out there on the Web. There is no point in trying to ignore the Internet; if you stick your head in the sand you will simply get left behind by rivals who are more technologically savvy and on the ball.

Four Key Ways To Win New Business


Any company lives or dies on its ability to bring in new business. Having loyal and long-serving customers or clients is obviously important, but you should always try and get a good pipeline of new deals. Sometimes companies can become stale, and one of the best ways to avoid or cure this is to have new business coming in. Not only will this put a greater emphasis on going out there and finding deals, but it makes everybody raise their game. It's easy to become complacent when you know you have a certain number of guaranteed clients – but when new ones come in, your staff know they have to go that extra mile and impress them.
Keeping that steady flow of contracts coming through the door certainly isn't easy and there is no magic formula. However I believe there are certain things that any organisation can do to improve their chances.

Use your team
Although there are certain people within the organisation who are tasked with winning business, everybody can make a contribution. Make sure everyone in the company is aware of what exactly you look for in a client, so that if an opportunity arises, they can pass it on. You'll be amazed at how many deals have been kickstarted with a simple conversation that a receptionist has had. This also means that people who aren't involved with the deal making on a daily basis can add another layer to their skill set and feel valued within the business.

Build your reputation
When it comes to doing business, reputation counts for everything and you have to work really hard to build up a great one. It is always worth remembering that it is much harder to build up a good reputation than it is to earn a bad one. Months of hard work can be ruined within a matter of days by poor performance or service. I expect all of my businesses and employees to treat every customer or client in exactly the same way and give them the best level of service that they possibly can. There can be no room for complacency or bad attitudes.

Learn how to pitch
Standing up in front of a group of people to sell yourself and your company is one of the hardest things you will have to do in business. Anyone who has seen Dragons’ Den will know pitching can be really tough but practice does make perfect and the more you do something the better you will get at doing it. The key to a winning pitch is a mixture of doing your homework, being as sincere as possible and having great presentation skills. One trick I always tell people to use is visualising success they may have had in a similar scenario. It doesn't always have to be business related; you may have once given a great speech in front of hundreds of people at a wedding. But having that prior success in your head automatically gives you that extra self belief, and can make a huge difference to the pitch.

Use the personal touch
Although the Internet has led to enormous change when it comes to the world of work, there is still no real replacement for pure networking. Everyone prefers to work with people who they know and feel comfortable with which means having good contacts is vital if you want to be successful. Look to build up a good rapport with companies and key people within them. The key is to constantly stay in touch with them and build up that personalised relationship.


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Relationship Therapy You Can Do on Your Own


Relationship Therapy You Can Do on Your OwnWhile most relationships have their share of ups and downs, very few couples are willing or able to invest the time and/or money that traditional relationship therapy would cost.

This doesn't mean that they're more or less committed to the success of their relationship than other couples - only that they have different limits as to what they find an acceptable intrusion into their private lives (particularly when it comes to a third party such as a therapist).
The good news for those that find themselves in this particular situation - or even when one partner simply isn't willing to go into therapy - is that there are things you can do that can lead to self healing and repairing a relationship that may be damaged.
You can do this as one partner or as a couple, although it's much more effective when both people participate.   We've become a society of do-it-yourselfers, so it only makes sense that we're bringing this idea into the more personal aspects of our lives rather than the simple home improvement projects.
Positive thinking is a great place to start. Whenever the roads of romance become a little too rocky for comfortable travel, it's time to take a step back and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
Make a list, write a letter, write a poem, or take a few minutes to hold each other and dance. Remind each other of the wonderful person you are when unencumbered with the worries of the world, children, finances, and the world outside the circle of your arms.
There are many different styles of self-therapy that you can use. You may want to check out some books on the various styles and read them together for advice, guidance, and perhaps a little insight as to where your specific problems may lie and the best path to take in the future.
One highly recommended style of relationship therapy is known as the Imago, which is Latin for 'match' style. You can find many books on this topic either online or at your local library. The important thing is that you take as many steps as possible together.
Role-playing is another great way to obtain valuable insight as to how you perceive your partner as well as how he or she sees you. You may learn a lot about how the English language is woefully inadequate at conveying precise messages.   You may intend to say one thing and your partner may hear something else entirely. It's important to learn how to communicate with one another positively and accurately. Working together through self-therapy and role-playing can help you achieve that.